Middlesbrough will be relegated after a three-goal performance by Chelsea that saw keeper Brad Guzan earn a nutmeg hat trick. We’ve all had days like this.
Four goals have been scored in the first 24 minutes of today’s Everton-Leicester City match, but none more impressive than Marc Albrighton’s free kick that beat Joel Robles in the tenth minute. That’s after a streaking Kevin Mirallas set up Tom Davies in the opening minute to give Everton a short-lived lead, and Islam…
André Ayew’s equalizer for West Ham came after the most fortunate of rebounds.
Craig Dawson brought West Brom back equal by carefully exerting mind control over Bournemouth’s Charlie Daniels in order to create a wonderfully-bending deflection goal. He should use that superpower more often.
Manchester City pulled out a win over Swansea City after Jesus showed no mercy to keeper Łukasz Fabiański and knocked in a rebound in the 92nd minute to give the home supporters a 2-1 win to go crazy about.
Chelsea doubled its lead on Arsenal early in the second half as Eden Hazard wove his way past a Gunners squad apparently completely made up of the family members of neighboring Mr. Bean.
Spurs are up 2-0 at the half against Swansea thanks to Heung-Min Son’s magic in stoppage time. We told you!
Arsenal took an early 1-0 lead on Bournemouth thanks to Steve Cook’s massive boner that Ian Darke called “X-rated”:
Pedro made mincemeat of Man United defense en route to giving Chelsea a 1-0 lead just 30 seconds into their match today at Stamford Bridge. Let’s give Marcos Alonso a hand for the assist, too.
An offside Laurent Koscielny knocked the ball into goal with his arms in the match’s final seconds to give Arsenal a 1-0 win at Burnley today in a heroic and successful attempt to keep the Gunners in third place in the Premiership.
Arsenal fell behind Southampton early thanks to a Petr Čech own goal, but Laurent Koscielny erased the deficit with an overhead kick off a series of headers from a corner delivery. ¡Golazo!
Liverpool’s star-filled squad struggled with Arsenal’s collection of anonymous jamokes until Philippe Coutinho rocketed home this bender past Petr Cech to draw his side level at the half.
Police have concluded their assessment of the suspicious package that led to the abandonment of today’s Manchester United-Bournmouth match, concluding that while the device was “incredibly lifelike,” it was “not viable.”
Manchester United’s match against Bournemouth has been abandoned after a “Code Red” situation led to stands being evacuated and the discovery of a suspicious package.
Aston Villa supporters interrupted today’s match against Newcastle with a flood of beach balls, sex dolls, and other inflatables as the last-place team prepares for relegation from the Premiership.